As we get closer and closer to the actual wedding day, I get more and more nervous about everything flowing smoothly.  There are so many tiny details and just one missed can throw off the whole thing!  Yikes!!  That is a lot of pressure.

One of the to-do items that makes me the most nervous is writing the vows.  Since we’re not having a minister, everything that is said during the ceremony is up to us.  I already have most of the ceremony finished, but I haven’t even started writing out anything to say to Mike.  I have thought of several things, but they all seem silly or just a repetition of the sentiments I try to convey every day.  I want to say special words, words I don’t usually say and words that capture just how I feel about him.

One of the problems I’m having is that every time I try to visualize us standing underneath the trees telling each other our special somethings, I cry.  I know, it’s sappy, but I can’t help it!  Anyway, this makes it difficult to continue visualizing and actually come up with anything. 

When I think about traditional “vows”, I just can’t imagine saying “I promise to love, honor and cherish you…..etc.” because I know there will be times I won’t cherish him.  I’ll take him for granted, I’ll get angry and say things I don’t mean, who knows what else?!  So why in the world would I say that to him?  It would feel like I was promising to lie to him, right from the beginning of our marriage, and that’s not what I want. 

What do I want to say then?? 

1.  I never understood what having an actual partner was before I met him, someone who genuinely cared and wanted to work together.

2.  I felt lied to by the whole of society, that “true love” was only a made-up feeling by someone trying to sell something to us poor unsuspecting folk.  Bells and whistles, soul mates, all of it was pretend and not real…..until I met him.

3.  The laughter he brings is sometimes the only thing that keeps me going.  Even in the midst of our darkest time, his ability to bring a smile to my face fills my heart with love.

4.  Watching him parent our children, with the struggles of two children that aren’t his, is almost indescribably amazing.

That’s just a sampling of the feelings and sentiments that come to mind.  However, I know I’m supposed to be offering him myself….not just telling him how wonderful he is (although I’m sure he wouldn’t mind hearing that either!).   

I’ve looked online at different vows to get an idea of what I like and don’t like, but so far I haven’t come up with exactly the right thing.  One site I found had a plethora of traditional, non-traditional and intercultural vows.  I found that even the “non-traditional” ones included very traditional elements, so I guess I’m really on my own here.  At least they’ll be original!

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6 Responses to Vows

  1. Mary Alice says:

    I LOVE the idea of your telling him exactly those things you listed above. Saying what you feel and speaking in your real voice seems the perfect way to show why you choose to bind your life with his.

  2. Yeah, I’m thinking you basically have an outline of your vows above.

    This is just what I’m interpreting, but I think maybe you’re comparing yourself to a bride who has no children and hasnt had a previous marriage. Because you have children, offering yourself to him includes your children, things about them and how he is with them.

    My idea of vows is trying to express that you love them and are committed to them. I can say that what you’ve said above shows me that you love him very much!

    Love ya,

  3. Shawna says:

    I think they are right and let me tell you, as someone whose reception went horribly awry, that the only detail you will really care about that day and thereafter is the fact you cried and got to say the vows you’ve outlined above.

  4. Pingback: Group Effort | Summer's Getting Married

  5. Shawna says:

    Horribly funny now, but pretty sad at the time. Crumbs on the tables from a previous event . . .wrong food . . . a late $600 bill because I asked for 24 bottles of Apple Cider (not alchoholic because we don’t drink; but she told me her policy was to charge the same for both . .. the brand sells for $3.69 cents a bottle at walmart, but she was charging me $25 a bottle). . . no one to help move things in place DESPITE a $500 pre-paid set up fee. . . we had it at the Villa which closed for bad business practices . . .=)

    The only wedding stress I had was about that venue, and to top it off . . . I never wanted to use that location (I wanted the Elk’s Lodge), but Matt fell in love with it, so there we went! It’s funny, now!

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